Pardon Me While I Remove My Dentures From the Garbage Can

--> Hint: Not me.

I've been working now for a bit of time in a mildly* entertaining office full of nice, productive, middle-aged individuals who seem to enjoy paper, donuts, and productivity more than most human beings and it has been more amusing watching these people work than watching people get rejected in the first two rounds of American Idol. The specimens of human life that migrate through this office on a daily basis are nothing short of incredible. I mean I just don't know where they come from. The list of stories out of this place runs about a mile long and continues to grow at a regular shuffle (what does that mean? Regular shuffle...sounds like a dance senior citizens specialize in...).

Anyway, each day my favorite maintenance worker comes in to collect the trash. She's a sweet woman - Thai, I believe. Not unlike Bloody Mary from South Pacific. Actually it could be her sister...striking resemblance really. In fact, for the entire duration of this story (and this story only) I'll use Bloody Mary as her alias. Since I see Bloody Mary's glorious face once a day (twice if I'm lucky), and as my sophomore year history professor taught me you always make nice with the crew, I like to make small chat with her. I mean she can't just go around talking to her garbage bags all day - she needs human interaction too, know what I mean? So after a few weeks of just saying hi, how are you, how's your day she finally opens up and tells me about her weekend. Great Mary! What did you do? Anything fun? And then she proceeds to tell me, in very broken English bless her little Oscar & Hammerstein heart, that her weekend was crazy. Our exchange went something like this:

Me: Crazy huh? Did you have people in town?

Mary: No, muh grankis were running around all day. Dey say, "Dangdang! Dangdang!" Dey call me dangdang you know.

Me: What? Oh uhhh no I didn't know.

Mary: Dangdang! Give us ride!

Me: Uh huh.

Mary: Dangdang! Give us food!

Me: Go on.

Mary: Dangdang! We no want to leave!

Me: Annnnd?

At this point I was staring so intently at her mouth to help me understand what exactly she was trying to articulate (dangdang? That couldn't be right...) that all of a sudden her teeth fall out of her mouth.

Yes, you read that right.

Her teeth fell out of her head. She had to stop her dangdang story and readjust HER TEETH. I tried so hard not to react. I'm terrible at hiding my reactions and wow was this ever a test. Even the slightest incident and my face turns into a road map of emotion. But this, I just had to nod and smile and listen to her tell stories about her "grankis" with their dangdang. A short minute later she exited the office, at which point I asked myself whaaaaaaat just happened.

Sweet Bloody Mary had straight up lost her dentures mid-convo and didn't even flinch. Had this been the Miss America pageant she would have been merited for her grace and ability to keep calm in a stressful situation. Although, she definitely would have been deducted points for losing her teeth mid-speech. Probably would lose her the crown.

God, I love this job.

- Libby

P.S. I'm never googling anything teeth related again. You want scary? That's the real terror.

P.P.S. Although this came up when I searched for "teeth falling out":

Surprised? Not really.

* = And by mildly I mean extraordinarily.